Grumpy Bastard

This week I have been mostly pissed off.

I am so tired I can barely string a sentence together.  I can’t think straight.

So far I have written whole paragraphs and deleted them again because they are boringly, awful and don’t really make much sense.  I can’t make sense of how I feel in my head, so I have little chance of being able to put it on paper.  The week has been long and argumentative, especially at work but a little at home too, as we all try to get used to our every day life changing.

On Wednesday I should have been flying to Rome with my sister and my best friend, on what would have been my first trip out of the UK in 16 years!  When I say it out loud, I can’t believe it myself, it is 16 whole years since I have left the country.

To say I was looking forward to it is an understatement.


Instead of flying off in a flurry of excitement to the land of amore,  I was up at the crack of bloody dawn, in almost freezing conditions to go and do my stint at the Covid assessment unit.  It was about as far removed from how my day should have been as you can probably imagine.  Later in the morning as I sat in my hazmat suit and stared out of my small hut at the glorious sunshine appearing across the fields, I couldn’t help but think that right now I should have been having a leisurely stroll around the Italian hotspots, looking for somewhere to stop and eat gelato, while enjoying a drink or three.  Instead, I was trying not to breathe, as it kept steaming my visor up, while also remembering which areas were clean and which were dirty, so I could have a wee!  A mission in itself.

I wish I could have taken a photo of me as evidence, but alas no personal belongings were allowed.

Regular readers will know that I have a thing about my height.  I am bloody short.  This means that the hazmat suit and trainers look, does not work well for me.

They are one size fits all, if you are a bloody giant that is!

Most of the time I felt like an extra in a sci fi movie, just wandering around waiting for someone to tell me what to do.  Not that there was a lot to do.  The hub is still in its infancy and things have yet to peak here, unlike the some other areas of the country, so I felt a bit like we were too early for the party.

On the plus side we will at least be ready (I hope), when it does happen!

Work has been arduous.  It’s a weird time, the general work that we all do on a day to day basis is no more, there are no routine referrals, no appointments to see Nurses or Doctors and no others clinics to organise, this leaves everyone sitting around worrying about whether they should even be at work.  There too many of us for the amount of work and some are questioning whether they should be made to come in.  Even the phone doesn’t ring as much as it did in the beginning.  People are slowly getting used to this new way of life.  After the initial flurry of anxiety, the rush to stockpile on medication and the endless barrage of questions, everyone has gone a little quiet.

Eerily quiet…

Like the calm before the storm.

Tom and Elsie are in a ridiculously bad routine of eating sleeping and watching TV.  Which sadly I am finding difficult to control from work.  I have barely spend any time at home and I feel guilty about that, of course I do, but I have a job to do and while some days I think I would love to be in isolation, the reality of it would be different, I’m sure.

We argue enough with me barely being home but if I was there all day everyday we would probably kill each other.

Elsie is still working in the supermarket, Tuesday and Saturday and thank the Lord for that or we would have no food by now.  The buddies and I have a little thing going where we check if either of us needs anything before one or other of us attempts to go anywhere near a shop, but I am still reluctant to queue for hours to buy food.  I have never been a fan of supermarkets and I am even less of one now.  On the rare hours off I get each week at the moment I am loathe to spend any of them in a sodding queue, waiting to buy non existent food.  Not to mention that they are the most populated places to be in right now, with the exclusion of local parks which have never seen so much business!

I think the London marathon has been past my house twice this week.

What is about staying at home that people find so difficult to understand. 

I wish someone would tell me to stay at home.  I could happily hibernate at the moment.  There would be one less grumpy bastard out on the streets for a start.  Perhaps I should stay at home, at least until my period passes, for my sake and everyone elses.

Honestly, I haven’t felt like this for months.

I have been writing this on and off all day and still can’t quite make it to a thousand words, normally I have to force myself to stop bloody talking, but this week I have done nothing but talk, especially at work.  I am all talked out.

I hope I will be in better shape next week and not so bleeding grumpy! 😉

Much Love LLB




4 thoughts on “Grumpy Bastard

  1. xlila says:

    It’s good that you have an outlet for your venting. It s good for the soul. Feel all your feelings; fear, anger, frustration impatience. Process them all and then take a deep breathe and excel. Relax……breathe.

    Let me know how it goes. I can refer you an audio of Panache Desai. Look him up, if you don t know who he is.

    Liked by 1 person

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