Whims and fancies

I disappeared again. Sorry!

I do that often. Sometimes life gets in the way of the whimsical things I like to do.

The everyday runs away with you and before you know it days, weeks, have gone by and you barely had a moment to catch your breath. Weirdly, in the three weeks or so that have flown by I can barely remember what it was that took up all my time.

Then, of course, there are the times that I really don’t feel like sharing.

Sometimes I much prefer to read than to write, to get lost in someone else’s story and not fixate on my own.

Lately though I have been fixated on trying to publish my first short story.

This has always sounded like a big deal to me and as a child it was one of my many dreams (I had a lot), to have a book on a bookshelf, in a book store. Reading and writing has always been a bit of a passion of mine and the reason I started this blog, I suppose, but to write an actual book and get it published, to tell a story that others would want to read, that they would find fascinating or interesting (not to mention pay for), well, I guess that’s the hard bit.

Nowadays it is easy to satisfy your desire to tell a tale.

If you were in a group of ten or more people, at least one of them would probably be online sharing via a blog or vlog, or have a YouTube channel for gaming, or DIY. It is easy to share your tips, opinions and views with the world. Growing up as a child I could never have imagined the world we would have at our fingertips now. You could read stories about the future and watch movies but the reality, No. That would never happen. Who would make such things? Design them? Who had the knowledge to create the technology that would eventually evolve in to the portable computers we all take for granted and carry in our pockets everyday?

But here we are, with the world at our fingertips, yet still I ponder and pause and dilly dally.

I have been working on this story for over a year now, which in writing terms is not very long, but as a short story and my first ‘real’ attempt at something I would be happy to share, it has felt life a lifetime. I have read it a thousand times over, tweaked it and changed it, added bits then removed them again, words and sentences, whole paragraphs even, until at one point I might just as well have re-written the whole thing. I did this to make it good enough, better, longer, sexier, funnier, more believable, but mostly because I couldn’t believe that anyone would like it, that it wouldn’t be good enough.

Who on earth would want to read something I have written? I am not a writer.

In the end and before I drove myself completely mad, I went back to basics. I stuck to my original idea and Saturday night after reading and editing it for the last time I hit the publish button. Who knew it would be THAT easy? Self publishing your own story online as an e-book, now I can call myself an author, can I? When I’m at parties I can drop it in to conversation, that I write novels. “Oh yes, darling I’m a published author, you know.” *laughingface

Who am I kidding, I don’t go to parties!

So there you have it, the reason I haven’t blogged for a while, haven’t dated and have hardly left the house, except to do the life thing.

This week friends have been asking me if I have stopped writing the blog as they no longer see it on their news feeds, I stopped sharing to Facebook a while back, as I wanted to be anonymous again. In fact I haven’t shared on any of my social media accounts for a few months now. I wanted to feel more comfortable saying things out loud, so to speak and sharing on my own social media accounts made me more than a little wary of being too honest. It was never my intention to shock or to offend when I started this blog but it was my intention to say things how I want to say them and to talk openly about my life.

I have never been a massive fan of Facebook, don’t get me wrong I think the original idea of it is brilliant (I wish I had bloody thought of it), but like most social platforms it is largely misused and misread now. However, in the last couple of weeks a group has started up and I have become a member. Usually I avoid this sort of thing like the plague but I just couldn’t resist a nosy. Well, I am human.

The group was set up by some holiday reps who worked together in Benidorm, among other places. They, in turn added the people they knew from various places they had worked and before you knew it there were 17,000 members and counting.

I know. It’s sounds awful. I mean we are a weird group of people, an eclectic bunch of misfits and showman, most with ego’s the size of Manhattan, who think they are the only people on the planet who knew how to live life. So, I know what your thinking and I’m with you, but…

I was one of those people. I was a holiday rep and I loved it.

I loved it because I was living the dream as far as I was concerned, I mean what is not to love about that life when you are in your twenties. Sun, sea and sex, with a little bit of work in between. The wages were shocking but you didn’t need any money, free accommodation, mostly free food and drink and the lifestyle was in all honesty amazing.

The hours were long, and sometimes the work was hard going especially if you repped a shithole of a hotel, but it never really felt like work, but the people who made it, the ones who you spent every waking (and sometimes sleeping πŸ˜‰ ), minute with, the ones who were there with you, who saw it and experienced it, they were like family. Day in day out they were there, you had breakfast together (if you could face it), worked hotels together, did airport runs together, guided trips and excursions, got shouted at (often), partied, slept with, looked after, consoled and made some of the best and craziest memories with… although I am struggling to remember some of them!

I would be lying if I said I liked everyone, I didn’t and I’m sure the feeling was mutual, with some at least, in some of the larger resorts there were hundreds of us, it would have been impossible to know or to like everyone.

There are some people though that I have really fond memories’ of, people who I have often wondered where they might be now, or how their life has turned out and for that reason I am glad to be in the group. It has been fun to find people, to share stories and laugh at the stuff we used to get up to, to see people that I never thought I would ever see again. Pretty bloody cool actually.

Facebook, for all it’s pros and cons does work, when it is used properly it does bring people together, people who have lost touch for whatever reason. It can connect people from all corners of the globe and that is pretty damn amazing.

Of course the group has been running for a couple of weeks now and the notifications are driving me fucking bonkers, but overall I still say it’s a fab idea.

It is slowly turning in to a dating group though by the looks of things. It was never going to take long, once a rep always a rep, so they say! Although dating would be a very loose term for it… and of course everyone is talking about writing a book! *rollseyes

It’s amazing how many of us are single, actually it isn’t amazing at all.

Inevitable I’d say.

Sometimes I feel a lot like Alice…


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