Winter’s coming…

I am not keeping track of my weeks.

Usually I record things that happen or things that I feel are newsworthy for the blog because my memory is worse than useless.

I don’t know what makes my memory quite so bad and although I joke about having dementia, which really is no laughing matter, I am aware that I don’t actually have it. I think I am just full.

The memory bank has run out of room, there isn’t an inch of space left. It is full, of football fixtures (that incidentally keep bloody changing), things to do at work, things to do at home and well, just things.

This means that when Sunday comes around, I am trying to reflect on a week that I can barely remember.

So these are the bits I can remember, this will likely turn in to random waffle.

Nana got a dog. A Cockerpoo called Buddy, he is Black and currently just a small ball of fur. Without a doubt, he is exceptionally cute. Even cuter for the fact that he lives at Nana’s and we can just pet share, when necessary. This has not stopped Elsie going on and on and on about getting a dog of our own. *yawn

Sorry! No.

This may sound incredibly selfish but I have enough to worry about, no time and no money to look after a dog and believe me when I say it would be ME that looks after it and that is my final word on the subject.

Once again I haven’t heard a thing from Ivy. Sorry! Are you getting a bit bored of me saying that? Probably not as bored as I am of saying it, but I feel I should mention it as it is what has happened. Or not happened.

Earlier in the week I had a conversation with the buddies about him. The conversation started with my complete lack of enthusiasm for dating. Not dating Ivy, but just dating in general. I have been half heartedly looking online, over the last couple of weeks but I am just not in it.

One of the registrars at work recommended Hinge to me the other day. It is apparently just like Tinder (which I can’t use because I am on a lifetime ban, remember and yes I have tried again, but it still won’t let me), but better. Like Tinder you have to match before you can message but unlike Tinder you have to put a little more info on your profile than just your height. However, it seems this is social dating site, in that it is supposed to connect you to people you might know or know of, using your social media, i.e. Facebook and Instagram, which is all very well if you have Instagram in the first place, although what it would glean from a long list of photos and hashtags, I don’t know.

These dating sites are aimed at the young, aren’t they? Granted there are a few of us it seems that are in the ‘over the hill’ category but largely, everyone seems to be under 35, which is great news for our lovely registrar who is, 24, gorgeous and from good stock but not so handy for a middle-aged woman whose life experiences have made her a little on the deranged side.

My other problem, of which there are many, is that I don’t really use social media, well not in the way it is supposed to be used at least. I have Facebook, along with the rest of the 1st world, but I use it mainly to keep in touch with a few far-flung people and, like most, to be nosy. I was under the impression that your Facebook friends were supposed to be friends and so I don’t have many. I never felt the need to accept friend requests from people I don’t know or people I might have known when I was 6. Plus if I have known you and we didn’t keep in touch, there was probably a good reason. Oh, come on we all think it, but no one says it.

Only recently I have been trying to use it more, mainly since I started blogging as I couldn’t think of any other way to get it out there. So now I shamelessly tout it out, the only way I knew how and that just about sums up my knowledge of social media in an egg cup.

Social media does have its advantages however, as sadly this week I found out quite by chance and through Facebook, of all places, that my ex’s Father had passed away.

He was a lovely man, one I got on extremely well with. He was very kind and always nice to Tom and Elsie who were not his grandchildren but always treated as such. His son and I had a fairly long relationship, which sadly came to a not very amicable end, although I was never really quite sure why (why it wasn’t amicable not why it ended, that was very clear), I do not have any hard feelings about the relationship at all, or the reasons why it ended. However, it does highlight the difficulties you face when these additional people have been in your lives for some time, as family, you have had Christmases together and birthdays and shared countless family occasions and then all of a sudden they are gone. You are no longer part of that family.

It turns out he had cancer but that is all I know, I don’t know what kind or how long he was ill for and that sucks to be honest. I would like to have been able to say good-bye to him and to tell him that for the short time he was in our lives he was a joy to be around. I can’t decide if I will go to the funeral, there is a part of me that feels I should and a part of me that feels I shouldn’t, but mostly there is a part of me that just wants to howl at the unfairness of it all.

When my Dad passed away in 2010, I had been separated from Tom and Elsie’s father for a long time, things were less than amicable then too, largely because of his drinking but mostly because of his lackadaisical approach to parenting. However, he turned up at my Dad’s funeral, he sat motionless at the back of the crematorium to pay his respects. He sat quietly and left with absolutely no fuss at the end. I remember our eyes meeting as I made my speech and for just a second I remembered that he had a right to be there, to say goodbye to someone who he had spent Christmases with, who he had got to know over the last 7 or 8 years and who he had enjoyed a pint with on a Sunday before coming back for roast beef. In that moment I found respect for him again, for doing what was right. In that instance at least.

Talking of roast beef, we are at Nana’s, having ours, having just spent a large part of the afternoon dodging hail showers in the biting wind at football.

We lost, quite badly. The boys were definitely not in it today. Too many late nights we all decided, as its half term. A shame, as we were unbeaten so far this season. My Sister and her husband came to watch, she brought coffee, I think we would have preferred brandy but coffee was better than nothing.

The difference between the weather this week and last week is incredible.

This time last week I was sitting in the sunshine on a blanket, in the park with Ivy, practically sunbathing. This week I have been standing on a freezing cold football pitch with the wind howling around my nether regions, like a Alaskan wolf. In just one week the weather has gone from Indian Summer to Jesus Christ, I didn’t see that coming. It is nose drippingly cold. My feet have not warmed up yet and my Sister who is notriously famous for always being cold, is still sitting in the tumble dryer.

Nana keeps asking for 50p for the meter.

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