Half term hiatus…

There is something quite relaxing about the school holidays now.

I have slowly but surely grown to love them. This morning after a long lie-in and a lazy morning with lots of coffee, everything felt almost sublime. Not my usual Monday morning, that’s for sure.

Tom and Elsie also love the holidays.  However, they are now of the age where they don’t really need me to mind them, all they need really, is ferrying around to the various meets, and sleepover’s that they have usually arranged amongst themselves.

I try to engage them in family things but in all honesty they are not particularly interested. Tom is a street urchin and loves nothing more than being out, tearing about on his scooter or playing football.  Elsie just wants to shop and or be with her girls, gossiping, laughing and spending my hard-earned cash and I’m inclined to let them.  It is what being a child is all about.

It is a kind of freedom that is enjoyable but also tinged with a little bit of sadness, sad that they are now growing up. They are less dependant and less keen to have days out at the beach or go for picnics, not that this week has been picnic weather.

However, life as a working Mum is a lot easier now.  I am able to leave them home alone for periods at a time and this enables me to take some days off and work others. Or I can work every day but half-days so that I am home, even if they are not, which seems senseless but it is at least flexible and with flexibility comes some kind of peace.

For us as a family things seem to be calm, not so frantic and no longer so stressful.  This is very pleasant, I have to admit.

Obviously we still have our stresses, they are teenagers (well, OK Tom just thinks he is), so we still have our ups and downs but the stress that I used to feel when the school holidays were approaching has gone.  I don’t have to worry about working and being at home to look after them. Always working extra hours in term times so that I had more leave when the holidays came.  Now, I can easily manage both.  Which as a single parent is a huge relief.

We manage a mix of family time and their time and work time, it is still a juggling act but I am keeping the balls firmly in the air for the first time. This year will be my first year not worrying about how I will manage through all the holidays that children have and they have a lot.

Take today for example; I met Magic for a drink at the local pub.

I was able to do this because it is only down the road and Tom was out with friends at the skate park and Elsie was at home with one of her friends.  I was gone for an hour and a half and I can’t tell you how relaxed it felt.  No longer do I have to rely on someone to come and watch the children or to keep begging friends for favours here and there.  This is not because they wouldn’t help me, they would, they always do, if I ask but it is just nice not to have to keep asking.

It was nice.  It was a very spur of the moment thing.  Magic messaged me on Sunday, we didn’t message for long because I wasn’t really in the mood and he was off out anyway, he asked for my number which strangely I gave him, without any resistance at all.  I’m just getting far too relaxed about all this.

He phoned me this morning and asked if I wanted to meet for lunch, so I thought about it for, ohhh.. about 30 seconds and said ‘yes, why not‘.  It was a very nice lunch, with a very large glass of wine.  As we were saying Goodbye in the car park, he grabbed me.  He grabbed me and kissed me.

My first instinct was to fight it but he was having none of it.  Pressed up against his car and his considerably large frame I suddenly felt a little bit out of my depth.  I am a freckle past 5 ft, at a push, he, used to be a rugby player and is a large, big built fella. I would not have stood a chance.

He would have been able to pick me up with one hand and throw me anywhere he wanted to.

That, is a very sobering thought!

He stopped.  Just before my lungs collapsed, thankfully.  I won’t say I didn’t enjoy it but I can’t say that the fleeting thought of being murdered and dumped in the woods by the tyre swing, were doing much for my enthusiasm.

My knees had gone to jelly and my breathing well, it was laboured, to say the very least.

Then just as I inhaled a breath he was back, pressing himself up against me so hard I could feel that tiny little breath, I had just taken, exhaling as quickly as it had been inhaled.  His tongue was invading my mouth and I was all of a sudden, breathless and light-headed again.

I was kissing him back.  All sense of where I was and what I was doing, gone, completely. It seemed like for ever but it was probably only a few minutes at best. I was losing my grip, tugging at his lips with my teeth and circling his tongue with mine, matching his desire with my own.  He stepped back, very obviously aroused.

This was going to be one of my ‘oh shit’ moments.

He asked if I would have sex with him, there, in the car. I declined. ‘Why?’ he asked. ‘It’s not my style’ I said. I’m not sure if I have a style or not but outside my local pub in the middle of the day, certainly isn’t it. It’s a very small village. They will talk.

I prefer to keep my business well away from my doorstep, thank you.

He seemed ok with this and after another very demanding kiss, he turned on his heels and told me to text him later.

I, wobbled up the road home on my jelly legs.

It was later in the afternoon when things all went horribly wrong.  He text me, about an hour later. The conversation was crude to say the least.  He said he wanted to ‘fuck me’ and asked me when he could.  I tried politely to say that he couldn’t, not just like that and then the shit really hit the fan.

He called me.  Then he called me again and then he text me.  Then he called me again.  All the while texting me and trying to be nice but failing miserably.  I don’t know what it is about me that wants to reason with these people but it seems I always try to, rarely do I get anywhere though.  If anything I just make things worse.

I haven’t answered his last few calls. I can’t.

*note to self

Do not give out your number so readily.  Do not kiss anyone, anymore, ever.  Do not go back online until you have exhausted all other avenues of finding a life partner. Do not, well, just bloody do not!

It’s only day one.  Am I supposed to be the one causing all the drama?

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