Growing pains…

It’s Sunday lunch time and I am recovering from having a house full of teenage girls for a sleep over, as yesterday was Elsie’s 14th birthday. Where the hell did that go?

My house looks like student digs and smells worse. They have been noisy, giggly, silly and just generally loud. We have had Mama Mia on rewind and repeat and it’s been a tough contest for the worst singer award, although I think Pierce Brosnan still just about edges it over Elsie, who is completely tone-deaf.

Soon as in the film she will be ‘slipping through my fingers’, the song, partly because this has always been her favourite film after ‘Little Mermaid’  and because we have watched it soooo many times together just seemed a little bit more poignant today, my little girl is growing up and it is both sad and wonderful to see.

Fourteen years I have been looking after, nurturing, helping, screaming at, encouraging and just generally running around after this beautiful young girl. She is an image of me, much to her annoyance, I think she is very fed up of hearing that now.

She is happy, confident, has a really good network of friends and is well-behaved, good at school and although often sulky and a bit self-centered as most teenagers are, she is an all round great girl. I am very proud of her and today I felt the need to congratulate myself on a job well done.

This parenting lark (as I expect many have commented on before) is not bloody easy. It is thankless, frustrating and sometimes just completely unbearable, to the point where you want to walk out the front door and never come back… but it has days (granted not many) where you just look at your child and think ‘do you know what, I did that!’.

I made the person that she is and put my blood, sweat and tears in to it, I should be proud. I should have that glass of wine, do you know why because it ain’t over yet, not by a long way. There is another, god knows how many years, of this to come. Tough times, tearful times and probably dramatic, worrying times. So when you get that very fleeting moment where you feel proud, do get a bottle of wine and raise a glass, to you, for just being a Mum.

Sentimental bit over!

This week Tom made pasta at school. I can’t tell you what it was like because he had eaten it by the time he came home. I wasn’t too worried as I am always a bit dubious about eating things that are cooked at school for obvious reasons, kids rarely wash their hands, they play with everything and who knows what they do with all the bits they’ve either dropped on the floor or flung around the room… but, he was insistent that we have it for tea.

Obviously he changed his mind at some point during the day.

Three peppers, a large vine tomato, sweetcorn, cucumber, pasta, cheese and a sauce and not a sniff of anything to eat for dinner, except a bit of garlic bread and some fresh basil. Thanks Tom!

‘Well I was hungry’ is his only reply. No, I don’t think you were, sorry. Not only have you eaten all your packed lunch you greedy little shit but it was also the Macmillan coffee morning today, so he’s no doubt shovelled a few pounds worth of cake down his neck too.

I am still finding him very annoying at the moment. I can’t help it. I love him with all my heart but at the moment I swear I could hang him upside down and leave him out for the birds. He’s all bloody swagger and nonsense talk and I can no longer hold a reasonable conversation with my own son. Most of the time I have no bloody idea what he is talking about. He has an obsession with ‘you tube’ the like of which I don’t understand and probably never will, for I am too old.

I can see that there might be some advantages to using ‘you tube’. I just haven’t found any yet. We are from different worlds me and my children and try as I might to stay in touch with the ‘new generation’ there are some things I am just not interested in.

Obviously this works both ways. As they often don’t listen to a bloody word I say either!

The aforementioned girlfriend has been ‘friend zoned’ already. He tells me he is ‘keeping his options open’. How do I feel about that? Confused, that’s how. I was not too impressed with the idea of him having a girlfriend but the idea of him potentially having several is even more disturbing.

He is a good-looking boy my son, yes I know I am biased but despite his lack of cleanliness (yes that’s worn off already) and his nonsense talk, the girls love him. He seems to have cottoned on to this, not helped at all by Elsie’s friends who all keep remarking on how handsome he is, much to her disgust.

Uh, he’s an idiot! Is about all she can muster on the topic.

Well he’s a man, or will be. we can’t expect too much! 😉

Talking of men. There has been little action, so to speak, on the dating front. I am still a little bit nervous of actually looking on there. I know, I need to get my finger out but I just don’t like the thought of being ‘online’ or ‘active’ or whatever the expression is.

Obviously, I have had a few furtive looks and responded to a few emails all of which have gone absolutely nowhere, so far, except one, which quickly developed in to a text/sex thing..

I have discovered I am extremely fussy. I would never have thought this about myself as generally when I am out and about, working or socialising I generally find most men attractive in some way. I can easily pick out things I like about people, almost instantly. So why can I not do this online?

I have also been single for a while, although I feel I must explain this further at some point because obviously I haven’t been single for 10 years, I am not a nun. I have had relationships, some very casual and some not so.

The other day at work, I was on the front desk when a really good-looking guy came in to book an appointment. He was fit. dark hair, dark eyes, mid forties, just really quite hot. He was wearing a wedding ring, otherwise I think I would have been tempted to leap over the counter at him but I think he could tell that I liked the look of him. I just couldn’t stop myself from being ‘flirty’, for want of a better word. It’s kind of a natural thing… isn’t it? So why am I finding this online thing so unnatural.

I am simply looking at pictures of men and thinking, NO! You are  not my type. I didn’t even think I had a type. My ‘boyfriends’ have not all been carbon copies of each other, they have all been different, some very different but something attracted me to them. Maybe it was just the fact that they were real, in front of me or in the same bar as me, as opposed to a picture on a screen, there is a lot to be said for a bit of eye contact.

So at present I am still single and looking to remain so for the foreseeable… unless I want to embark on a NSA (no strings attached for those who have been happily married for decades) with R.. 31 one from Sussex? Who only has one thing on his mind and it is not what he is having for dinner!

Am I tempted….? Bloody right I am.. 🙂







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